Here I sit feeling disheartened. I started the day well. I got up, got my coffee and took off for 6 miles of hiking while listening to motivational audio books. #WINNING!
I was conquering my day. I intended that when I got up. I said “Tance, you never know if this will be your last day, so make it a good one” . . . and I felt it . . . deep inside my belly, which was slightly bloated, not gonna lie.
You know how they say if you “win the morning”, you “win the day”. Well, I call bullsh*t because I won the morning and the rest of the day turned into a Lifetime Movie.
I don’t know when it all took a turn for the worse. Okay I do. It was between a healthy lunch and a shattered life.
I was bored while eating so I went on Facebook in depth, which is never a good idea, and I saw something that led me to something else, which took me to someone unfortunate and dropped me down a dark, dark hole. A hole that included annoying girls from my youth who I’d forgotten about.
Two of the women I stumbled upon seemed to have done very well in the husband department, which is something I don’t have anymore because mine died, so STRIKE ONE!
Then, one of them appeared to have a house near the water, close.to.the.water, which everyone knows is MY dream, but who the heck cares now because I’m sitting on a couch in the valley where there isn’t any water and we have to be mindful of any we do have because we’ve been in a drought and shouldn’t waste it, and I’m totally on board with that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a body of water in my vicinity, nor do I have a husband, . . . And oh by the way, this woman also has a bunch of surprisingly attractive, over-achieving kids who endlessly thank her publicly for “being the best!” and “lighting up our lives”, blah, blah, blah, along with a considerate dog. STRIKE TWO!
And then, I end up seeing another woman who I happened to despise throughout my childhood because she was super mean and loved nothing more than saying really hurtful, humiliating things to me, and she’s now sporting a questionable “bob” and has apparently super-sized her McLips, if you catch my drift. I mean, WOWZA! . . . And if that isn’t disturbing enough, she’s doing that pouty thing with her McFrosty-glossy kisser . . . and I start to feel a little sad inside. SADLY GIDDY! Joy rising up my modest cleavage GIDDY!
And while I’m busy being a shallow, judgmental, shameful human being, it becomes clear to me that she’s just insecure like the rest of us 50 somethings and reaching desperately for a tiny morsel of her youth to make her feel better now that she resembles her mother on one of her “drunk” days . . .
Which ultimately brings me back to my childhood and makes me feel like a compassionate yet total loser, not to mention the fact that I didn’t live near water when I was a kid either but at least had a pool, which I don’t have now. STRIKE THREE!
And depression sets in . . . and I won the morning. I WON THE G*#DAMN MORNING! I won the morning and I feel like crap! Tell me, who makes up this “inspiring” stuff that’s supposed to make us feel better about our lives when it can all come tumbling down just by going on Facebook for a matter of nano seconds?
So, the moral of the story?
#1: Don’t go on social media when you’re bored and eating fresh tomatoes because IT WILL DESTROY YOU!
#2: Never stalk people you haven’t seen in 40 years without some understanding and adequate medication.
#3: Win the morning, win the day is partial bullpucky. You still have to be responsible enough not to screw up the rest of it by comparing your life to the lives of people you never really liked.
#4: Childhood bullies sometimes grow up and get ugly . . . If you’re lucky.
I’m sure there are more but I’m tired.
Someone once said “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” Well, all kidding aside, I cry for nothing, so this pity party is over.
There will always be those who have more than we do and those who have less. There will always be those who are in the middle of their success and those who are at the beginning or end of theirs. There will always be those who appear to have everything going for them on the outside but are just as broken as the rest of us on the inside.
We’re all in different places and stages of our lives and it’s never a good idea to compare ours to someone else’s, especially on Facebook!
Focusing on the things we don’t have instead of the things we do will always take us down a dark hole, and that’s something we have control over.
Thank you, inner wisdom, for pointing that out
Perspective. Gratitude. Humor. Now THAT’S how you win the day!