I’ve been crying all week. Every time I hear something upsetting, I cry. Every time I hear something wonderful, I cry. Every time I see my credit card statement, I cry.
I think my heart gets softer in December. I start feeling all the feels twice as much. Glitter makes me emotional and white twinkle lights choke me up. If I see Bing Crosby anywhere near Rosemary Clooney or Vermont, I weep openly. And cute puppies? Well, they destroy me.
If that’s not enough, I start getting nostalgic, falalalala-ing over all those Christmas memories that make my mascara run . . .
Grandma telling convincing reindeer stories after an eggnog or three. Grandpa dropping his famous mac ‘n cheese when the cat ran up his pants to chase the tinsel dangling from his vest. Dad pretending to be Santa dashing out the front door instead of up one of the two available chimneys. Mom berating Santa for not attempting to dash up one of the two available chimneys. My first official “ugly sweater”. Watching Home Alone fifty-two times with the hubby and kids. Scorching my eyebrows by an open fire. Uncorking the wine . . . Uncorking more wine.
There are so many people, places and traditions I deeply miss!
Nothing ever stays the same, but the holidays make me long for the sameness. The days you thought would never end. When you knew who’d be gathered at your table every night. When you had poorly cut snowflakes all over your floor. When your freshly bathed kids smelled like soap and stardust and cuddled willingly on your lap. When you had those special loved ones who wanted nothing more than to be there for your everyday dramas because you belonged to them . . . and were their pumpkin and sweetheart.
I wish all of our memories could come alive again during the season so we could be with those we miss, but alas, I know they can’t. For some, there’s relief in that and means no more restraining orders or having to stop Uncle Bert from playing Bocce Ball with the meatballs and drinking all the whiskey!
There probably isn’t a soul in the world who isn’t missing some one, some place or some thing right now. For many, the missing is fresh and overwhelming and nothing feels quite right. To those, I wish comfort, peace and a good, long cry.
This holiday season, and every season, let’s remember to treasure the good times, forget the bad and appreciate those who are still with us, as well as those departed.
May your days be a recipe for new cherished memories and maybe a good cry with Bing in Vermont!