4 Ways to Help Yourself When You’re in a Bad Headspace.

Sometimes you get tired of the so called “life lessons” and “growth opportunities” scattered like land mines along your path; the “spiritual training” and “inevitable challenges” you have to go through to make you a better person; the “passion” you must uncover so you can live your best life.

You look around and see people you judge as lazy or narcissistic or generally unenlightened and they seem to be having a dandy old time winning at the game of life, despite the fact that they’re not doing much evolving or even playing nicely.

I’ve been in that space where I’ve been really diligent about “deliberately creating”, leveling up my game and doing what I thought was the right thing . . . and then got blindsided by another “growth opportunity”.

“So, Mr. and Ms. Universe, you want another piece of this?!  I still haven’t given enough? There are a gazillion a**holes out there doing astounding a**hole things and THEY get a pass?!  Hey a**holes!  Keep up the good a**hole work!

It’s baffling.  When I signed up for this earth experience, I must have been drunk.

I know, I know.  That’s not a very mature way of looking at things.  It’s pretty disconnected for a usually connected girl, but I’ve been there and it su-ucks!

So how do you get out of that headspace when you’re drowning in it?  How do you drop the resistance you feel and get back into a better feeling place?  I’ll give you a few of my tricks and they have nothing to do with being grateful, breathing or setting an intention. (Though I mention them here because they’re also good, and I don’t want to piss off Deepak Chopra.)

  1. Stop taking yourself and your life so damn seriously!

Have you ever looked in the mirror when you’re throwing a tantrum?  I mean, REALLY looked through to yourself in the mirror?  I have and I’ve been embarrassed by my own reflection.  Me and my ugly cry face hanging out in the bathroom all upset that life didn’t go exactly the way I decided it should go.  Poor widdle Tance.  Everybody else’s life is hunky-dory but mine is harrowing and confusing and challenging!  Oh my!  It’s made me laugh out loud.

We get so involved in our own little stories, we lose sight of the big picture AND that we’re adults and have to do adult things sometimes.

Yes, hard stuff happens, sometimes really hard stuff, but we don’t have to make it worse by getting uber pissy, blaming the world for being SO HARD and ramping up the drama.

En-lighten up.  Go look in the mirror and watch yourself ugly cry.  You’ll never be the same.

  1. Stop comparing your life to every a**hole’s life.

So, yeah, there seem to be plenty of people out there who get to be complete d*cks while they’re here and still get all the stuff.  It’s annoying and maddening and we’re all waiting for their karma to launch its sass on them, but in the meantime, stop looking at them!

No one knows what’s going on in someone’s personal life and we can’t judge it from the outside.  Just because it looks like smooth sailing for them doesn’t mean it is, and what does that have to do with our lives anyway?!

The Universe doesn’t do favors for just the “good guys”.  Crazy as it seems, it loves all of us equally and matches what we’re attracting without discrimination.  Sometimes a**holes have no conflicting energy about what they want because they’re selfish and self-absorbed!  Their focus is stronger than the focus of those of us who feel guilty, unworthy, afraid or unsure.  Maybe we DO need to learn a few lessons to wake up and smell the abundant bacon.

The point is, we never benefit from comparing our lives to the lives of others and it messes up our energy and concentration.  Keep your eyes on your own effed up life!  The grass in your yard might look greener if you started to water it more.

  1. Do some angry exercise.

To me, there’s nothing like an exercise routine fueled by anger.  You’ll kick everyone’s sissy butt and look fierce in the process.  You may even innocently intimidate someone, which could be kind of fun if you’ve been timid most of your life.

Get your blood pumping and let loose of some of that rage and pent-up endorphins just dying to come out.  It may not change your circumstances right away but it will work some of that energy out and make you feel better.  Plus, you can eat a loaf of bread afterwards. #Winning!

  1. Wine. In the shower. Try it.

Yes, go there . . .

All of us have been in that awful headspace where we’re frustrated by all the doing and trying and effort we put into our lives, especially when we feel like we’re not getting any of the results we want.  It can feel like we’re so deeply stuck in the mud, we can’t think anything positive or productive . . . but there are ways to help.

Go take a good look at yourself in the mirror when you’re upset.  Look closely and really see through to the inside you.  The one who’s not crying.  When you look in the mirror, you become a witness to your own drama and it’s harder to take yourself so seriously.

Stop looking at a**holes and wondering why they’re doing better than you are.  You don’t know what’s happening in their lives.  They may have a really awful itch somewhere.  It’s entirely possible.

Get yourself up and moving around to release some of that stifled energy and have a glass of wine afterward in the shower.  You’ll feel better . . . And if you don’t, try again tomorrow.

That’s the beauty of life.  You get to leave it in the past every single night.


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